


Unfaithful

by Ducklingxkitten



Series: Infernal Spiral [2]
Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe - Band Life, Angst, Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 06:59:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7608304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ducklingxkitten/pseuds/Ducklingxkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kai knows it. He knows he can't keep on faking everything is fine, he can't keep on waiting for Uruha to come back home and stay for good. Kai can't keep on trusting his lover even though he knows he's lying. Most of all, he can't keep on calling him his lover. Their relationship is dying since long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unfaithful

**Author's Note:**

> Infernal Spiral has been originally posted, in french, in 2011! 5 years later I finally wrote a sequel.

His tears had dried since long, but the pain was still there. The throbbing pain he was feeling in his heart was slowly killing him. He was used to the pain by now, but each time Uruha was leaving was as if a knife was piercing through his chest to his heart. It was unbearable and it was lasting for a year. 

It was Uruha who had made the first step, a few months after Kai had joined the band. It was only gazes and gentle smiles at first and Kai had been so happy to see everyone had accepted him in the band that he hadn't seen the change in Uruha's behaviour. The gentle smiles and loving gazes had with time changed in affectionate gestures and words which had made Kai fall for him, even more when Uruha had surprised him in the corridor of their studio and had kissed him there, against the wall. Their relationship had started pretty well, like every other couples. They'd celebrated their first year in Kai's flat, moved in together shortly after their second year and celebrated their third year in their own home. They were happy and so _so_ in love. 

But everything changed during their fourth year. 

Kai hadn't suspected anything, they were so in love it was unthinkable for him that Uruha would one day lie to him, nor cheat on him. The way he had found it out was laughable. He had noticed how his lover was looking at this other man, his smiles, the caresses he was trying to make discreet, the way they were whispering to each other. He had seen all of the loving attentions he was giving to that other man, attentions Kai was _supposed_ to get. But they were band members, they were like brothers so maybe Kai had been imagining things. That was what he'd thought. They were close because they had to work a lot together, because they were good friends. 

Kai had thought this. Until one day he'd surprised Uruha kissing passionately the other guitarist on their couch as he was coming back home earlier than planned that day. 

“It's not what you think,” Uruha had said once they were alone in the living room. “I can explain.” 

“Then do it. Because what I've just seen tells a lot about us.” 

“Aoi is just a friend, you're the only one important to me.” 

“That's not what I want to hear.” Kai had cut him coldly, tears in his eyes. 

“He wasn't feeling well, he needed to talk,” Uruha had started, trying to take Kai's hands in his, in vain. “We drank a little and things escalated quickly. It was a mistake, it won't happen again.” 

“You promise?” 

“I do. Babe, I love you too much to lose you now.” 

And Kai, as naive as he was, had believed him. He had believed Uruha's promises, sweet words, supposed regrets. The drummer had believed everything he'd told him because he was in love and so afraid the other man would leave him one day for the raven guitarist. Blinded by his feelings, he hadn't noticed Uruha was just playing with him. He had told him other lies, other excuses to leave home or to come back later than usual. Or not at all. Kai had always forgiven him because deep down he was hoping that one day Uruha would stop seeing him and stay with him as he'd promised. 

But Uruha never did. 

Lying on his side, Kai was looking at the sky through the window. Dawn was here, he had spent the whole night alone, awake and waiting for Uruha. But the man never came nor called him to let him know he wouldn't come back home. Why would he anyway? Kai knew he was once again with Aoi, but he was still going to be there waiting for him, still hoping even if he was aware their relationship was dying. No matter how many times Uruha would still kiss him, no matter how many times he would hug him, Kai knew Uruha's passion was gone and he didn't know for how long he would be able to fight to bring that passion back in his boyfriend. 

Kai stood up slowly, keeping his eyes on the sky for a little moment before leaving the room and headed for the kitchen where he poured himself a cup of coffee to keep himself awake. Uruha would soon come home, but then what would happen? Was he going to ignore him or be with him as if his affair had never existed? Kai doubted he would. Uruha had been so cold lately, barely talking to him, barely touching him. Today wouldn't be different, he was used to it. They would live their life each on their side, share this flat until one of them would leave for good and that was it. 

Or so he thought. 

The clock rang 08 am when Kai heard keys opening the front door. He didn't move, didn't welcome him with a smile he was used to having every time at the beginning of their relationship, but stayed there in front of the coffee machine, his cup between his hands and his eyes fixed on the dark beverage, and waited. He was too scared to walk to him and see nothing was in his eyes. 

Kai startled when he felt two arms hugging him from behind and lips kissing his neck. He remained motionless knowing perfectly what Uruha had in mind. It was always the same thing. Whenever he was coming back, he would fuck him as if that act would excuse him from having cheated on him, kiss him until Kai wouldn't be able to breathe and then be the same man he used to be years ago. Until the next time. Kai had the feeling he was only using him as his toy now. But he had Aoi so why was he bothering using him? It hurt the young man, and not only physically, and he was certain the blond guitarist was enjoying playing with him like that. 

Uruha was putting gentle kisses in his hair before he turned the man around and made him look at him. 

“You didn't sleep, did you?” He asked caressing one of his cheeks and then under his left eye were dark circles were showing his sleepless night. “You shouldn't have waited for me. Come, you need to rest.” 

Kai didn't struggle when Uruha held him in his arms and walked to their bedroom, feeling his fingers caressing his lower back, and instead put his own arms around Uruha's shoulders hugging him tightly against his chest. He didn't understand why Uruha seemed so worried now, even... guilty. He wasn't usually in the habit of worrying, not about him at least, but now he was about his well-being and Kai didn't know what to think about it. Was he honest? Would that mean his affair with Aoi was over? Or was that another of his play? 

Uruha made him lie on the bed once he stepped inside the room, and bent over as Kai's arms were still around his shoulders, his eyes fixed on the young man's gaze. They were so close he could touch the tip of Kai's nose with his own and feel his short breath on his skin. They were so close Kai put shyly his lips on his, closing his eyes hoping the man he loved wasn't going to push him away this time. Uruha didn't and instead deepened their kiss, tasting coffee on Kai's tongue. The young man needed his kisses, he needed to feel him that close to him, on top of him with his hands touching his body. When was the last time they'd been so intimate? When was the last time he'd felt so good between Uruha's arms? When was the last time he'd felt something close to being loved? 

“Sleep,” Uruha whispered against his forehead. “I'm not going anywhere, I stay with you.” 

Reassured by his words, Kai closed his eyes quickly giving in tiredness without even hearing Uruha's phone ringing, without even bothering who was calling him. 

* * *

Kai woke up suddenly after a nightmare that night. Once again he had been dreaming about the hypothetical day Uruha would be out of his life. Once again he had seen his happiness with the raven haired guitarist. Once again he had been crying alone before waking up with a crippling fear nothing nor no one was able to appease. Before, every time Kai was having a nightmare Uruha would take him in his arms and hold him strongly against him, whispering to his ears sweet nothings to calm him down. But now, Kai had to do it on his own. 

Uruha was lying next to him, sleeping on his belly with his arms under the pillow. He hadn't heard Kai waking up, hadn't heard his rapid breathing, hadn't heard the few sobs Kai let escape from his mouth. He wouldn't wake up and dry his tears, he wouldn't calm his fears. It has been months since the last time he did it, some things were not going to change. He had to get used to the idea that Uruha wouldn't be the same man again. 

Kai heard him move beside him, but he didn't wake up. The blond man was now on his back, one arm across his hips and the other on Kai's pillow. Not feeling him didn't seem to bother him as he was still sleeping soundly and while Kai was watching him, he coudln't help but think how beautiful he was right now, his full lips half open and a few strands of hair on his face. Uruha had stayed with him that night, a pretty rare thing lately, and had been so kind towards the drummer calling him by cute little names, touching him and kissing him lovingly. Just as before. 

Kai didn't want to have false hopes. It wasn't the first time Uruha was being so kind, he knew he would one day or another go back to Aoi, but deep down he was hoping this time his boyfriend – if he could still call him like that – would stay with him and never leave him again as he'd promised. But at the same time, Uruha was a liar and he didn't know if he had to trust him again despite his love for that man. 

Kai reached for the hand laid on his pillow and caressed it, barely touching it with the tips of his fingers not wanting to wake him up. Not now. He was enjoying listening to his calm breathing, being able to still sense his smell in the room, being by his side. They were close, but at the same time they were so far apart from each other. And it was killing him. 

The man next to him squeezed the hand Kai was caressing in his sleep and let out a faint moan which stirred the drummer from his daydream. Kai wondered about what he was dreaming. Certainly about Aoi. Aoi and his smile, Aoi and his slender body, Aoi and his legs around his hips. 

Another muffled moan made him snap. Carefully enough to not wake him up, the young man straddled him under the covers then bent over him, his hands on each side of Uruha's head. He was smiling, but despite this smile on his lips Kai started to cry silently. He was so in love with this man he was ready to forgive him everything even though it was destroying him, as long as he would still come back to him. 

Lowering his head, Kai kissed his neck sucking on the skin a few times hard enough to leave a mark, then put his lips on his jaw before kissing every inch of his skin to his lips. When he felt Uruha moving under him, sign he was slowly awaking, Kai sat straight and put a hand under the blond's top tickling his side. 

“What are you doing?” He asked with a sleepy voice caressing Kai's thighs, slidding his fingers slowly under his boxers as the man above him had started to move on his pelvis making their clothed crotch rub against each other. Uruha gasped when he felt those thrusts, now fully awake and aware of what was happening, feeling chills as Kai was lightly scratching the skin of his stomach. Digging his nails in his hips, Uruha urged him to fasten his movements and he was about to bring him closer to him when he noticed something was wrong with the drummer. “Are you crying?” 

“It's nothing,” Kai told him, erasing the tears on his cheeks, but they were still running down his face. “Really, it's nothing.” 

Uruha kissing his lips tenderly wasn't something Kai had expected from him, nor the way his arms around his hips were holding him. Kai couldn't remember the last time he'd been so gentle, he was used to him using him every time he was coming back, used to hearing his harsh words when he was fucking him, used to seeing him ignoring his pleas when he was saying 'no'. Uruha was acting so differently now. 

Kai couldn't help but let out a whimper when Uruha squeezed his cheeks underneath his boxers, feeling their roundness and softness and how well they were fitting his palms, at the same time his full lips sucking on his skin were sending chills down between his legs. Kai was panting already, happy the blond hadn't forgotten how to make him react, happy his moans were still affecting him judging by his hard shape rubbing against his stomach each time Kai was moving languorously. 

These waves of pleasure were driving him crazy, he wanted to feel him maybe one last time. Before it would definitely be over between them, before everything they'd experienced together would become painful memories. Kai couldn't let him go. What he was feeling for him was too strong even after four years, even if he was still cheating on him. And maybe, _maybe_ Uruha's feelings weren't completely gone. Maybe he was still feeling something, something more than lust. Maybe that's why he'd been so kind to him last evening. Maybe, but once again Kai didn't want to have false hopes. 

Keeping his gaze fixed on his chocolate eyes, the young man let him lay him back down on the mattress before Uruha took his lips once again, his tongue exploring his mouth and his hands removing hurriedly their night garments. Uruha ran his tongue all the way to his navel without forgetting to suck and pinch his nipples making the man under him shiver and ask for more. He then spread his legs while his tongue was busy licking the side of Kai's hard erection along its full length, then took the head in his mouth sucking it, bitting it tearing from Kai's throat more lewd sounds and started bobbing his head up and down moaning from the back of his throat, a wet finger slowly finding its way to his hole. 

Kai squirmed at the intrusion, moaned when a second finger rubbed his inside and arched his back as Uruha was fingering him in rhythm with his head working between his legs with a third. Kai was seeing stars behind his closed eyes, his legs were shaking with all the pleasure he was feeling watching Uruha taking him entirely in his mouth, one of his hands was stroking his golden hair as he was slowly reaching his climax. 

Except that Uruha had other plans. He let go of his throbbing cock, a trail of saliva dripping on his chin, and gripped his hips as he bit his stomach marking his skin several times with a beautiful purple colour. 

“Uruha... Stop teasing me. I want more... please...” He pleaded, panting against Uruha's lips as the man was above him, his underwear on his knees, hard. 

He took his time to put some lube on his erection, looking at Kai with lustful eyes, his hand moving up and down his shaft and after another pleas pushed himself inside of him making them both sigh in pleasure. Kai's hands were clenched on the bed sheets as his legs around the other man's waist were bringing him closer. Each thrust was making his body tremble, each thrust was making him scream, moan and pant, each thrust was making him gasp for air as Uruha was touching that sweet spot every time making him scream for more. 

Uruha kissed him as he made Kai ride him, enjoying the little sounds he was making in his mouth, his own hands grabbing strongly his red buttocks, massaging them, slapping them. He then let his tongue ran on is neck tasting his skin and growled in the croock of his neck before whispering in his ear when he felt Kai was close: 

“Touch yourself.” 

Kai obeyed and began stroking himself with a quick pace, smearing pre-cum all over his length, his stomach squeezing with the pleasure he was giving to himself and Uruha to his ass. And the blond watched him, watched him satisfying himself and moaning shamelessly until his voice reached high notes as he was coming in his hand and on Uruha's stomach. Panting, Kai soon felt the mattress against his back again, Uruha still moving in him with breathtaking thrusts, still hard, still moaning his face hidden against his neck until he felt a hot liquid splatter his inside. 

They lay there in silence catching their breath back, their legs brushing against each other and Kai's hands caressing Uruha's hair who had laid his head on his chest. He was feeling tears coming to his eyes again, wondering for how long he would be able to hold him like that, wondering if this time wasn't the last, wondering if, _hoping_ Uruha was still loving him. 

“I love you.” He let out when the guitarist moved to lie down beside him. 

Uruha's silence had been his only answer. 

* * *

It reeked alcohol when Ruki enterred the living room. A large amount of empty bottles were there, some on the glass table, some on the couch and some dripping on the floor where he could also see sharp pieces of glass, broken picture frames and in the middle of all this mess Kai with a half-empty bottle of vodka in his right hand, dressed in an old shirt and a stained tracksuit pants. Ruki barely recognized the man in front of him when he approached him. 

It's been nearly a week since the last time he saw him, since the last time they've heard from him. Kai wasn't coming to reahearsals anymore, wasn't answering their calls nor opening them his door when they were knocking and ringing, asking him to let them come in. Not even to Uruha. The guitarist hadn't returned home since that same amount of time and Kai was doubting more and more he would one day, even though most of his things were still in the flat. 

Kai sneered as Ruki tried to find a dry place to sit in front of him, his glassy eyes unable to stay focused on the younger man's body. He didn't know why he had allowed him to come inside this time, maybe because he came alone today? Maybe because for the past two days he's been the only one trying to call him on his phone every hours and the only one staying in front of his door until a neighbour would tell him to shut up? Kai didn't know, but he knew his friend wasn't there to harm him, unlike a certain blond guitarist. 

“Pathetic, huh?” Kai let out after swallowing another gulp of alcohol. “I hope you're enjoying the show.” 

“What happened to you?” He asked him as Kai continued to drink until the last drop, then took away the new bottle he was about to grab. 

“Life... Life happened. Give that back.” Kai said while trying to stand up and move closer to Ruki in order to take the bottle, but he stumbled and fell hands first on pieces of glass. 

“Don't move.” Ruki left him and came back a few seconds later with bandages and disinfectant he'd found in the bathroom. He made him sit back on the couch then treated his wounds telling him he was lucky they weren't too deep, then tided up a little before sitting next to Kai. “You've been drinking for days, it's not like you. Tell me what happened.” 

“I'm fine.” 

“No you're not. Listen, we're all worrying about you. Uruha first.” 

“He's not... Stop lying.” He pleaded with a hoarse voice turning his face so that the other man wouldn't see his tears. 

“What's wrong between the two of you?” 

“We're fine.” 

“Kai.” Ruki called him with no urge in his voice, waiting patiently for his friend to talk, tell him what really was the matter. And he knew he was going to do it. Drunk, Kai was an emotional chatterbox, it was just a question of time now. 

“I'm losing him,” He started, giving free rein to his tears. “I'm losing the man I love and it hurts... It hurts so much!” 

“Uruha loves you, you know it and everybody knows he's crazy about you. What makes you think you're losing him?” 

“He's fucking our dear guitarist for a year!” It has been a bombshell for Ruki. They'd played their cards close to their chest, lying to all of them. He would have never thought Uruha would do that to Kai because he's been the one to always tell them when Kai wasn't around how much he loves him. “That fucking liar... But you know what? My favourite lie was when he told me he loved me. I was _so stupid_!” 

The young man let his pain out, crying and screaming against Ruki's shoulder who was whispering soothing words, _trying_ to calm his friend down. But Kai was heartbroken, this wound would not heal easily, maybe it never would and no matter how long it would take him, Ruki was going to be there by his side and support him. 

“Tell me,” Kai started when his sobs had stopped for a moment. “If I fall, do you think he'll come back to me?” 

Ruki had no answer. At least not the one he wanted to hear. 

* * *

Kai had made huge efforts that day to come to the building for their meeting. He had made huge efforts to answer Reita's worries, huge efforts to look fine, huge efforts to avoid them and their worried faces whenever they were in the same room. He didn't want to be alone with these two, it was too soon, but he had to come. They all had sensed the tension and in order to appease it a little, Aoi had tried a few number of times to talk to him. With no results. 

“Kai,” His voice made him freeze as he was taking his bag and was about to follow Ruki outside. He didn't dare to look behind him and face the man he used to live with, he was scared right now. Scared of what was going to happen. “Can we talk?” 

“I stay with you Kai.” 

“No no, you can go. I... it won't be long.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes don't worry, I'll be fine.” Kai tried to reassure the singer, but his voice was trembling so much he doubted he would believe him. 

“I'll be waiting in the corridor if you need me.” 

They were now alone, but none of them seemed to be willing to say a word. Why asking him if they could talk if he was staying silent? Kai could hear him walk towards him, slowly, and when he put his hands on his shoulders Kai freed himself from his embrace and walk to the window, arms crossed on his chest and looked outside. 

“Kai.” Uruha called him, approaching him once again. 

“What do you want?” 

“I just wanna talk. It's been a week we haven't seen each other.” 

“Are you saying it is my fault now?” 

“No not at all,” Uruha tried one more time to hold him in his arms, but Kai managed to avoid any physical contact with the other man. He was angry, anxious maybe too, Uruha could feel it. “Everything's my fault and I know how much you've been suffering these last days.” 

“You weren't there. How –” 

“Ruki told me,” He should have known it. Ruki had been, _still was_ worrying about him and even though he was furious against the two guitarists but especially against him, he had to tell Uruha how bad Kai's state was because of him. “Look at me.” 

And when he did, Uruha saw the tears in his eyes threatening to leave them at any moment. He saw the dark bags under his eyes, he saw his pale face and his quivering lips which hadn't given a smile since long ago. Uruha was the only one to blame for this change in the man he'd shared so many precious memories with. 

“Maybe it's too late, maybe you don't even want to hear me but... I think you have the right to get some answers.” 

“Be honest,” Kai's whole body was trembling as he knew what was coming next. He wasn't ready. “For once in your life don't tell me lies.” 

“You said be honest, but I really don't think you want me to be honest this time,” Uruha knew he was going to cause him more pain and it was the last thing he wanted to do right now. “But I'm doing this for you, I can see your pain and sorrow, and it's all my fault.” 

“Why?” Kai asked unable to keep his voice steady, a few tears were already flowing freely. “Tell me what I've done wrong during all these years, tell me what has disgusted you in me so that you'd prefer his company over mine?” 

“You've done nothing wrong, I am the one you have to blame. Kai, listen to me,” He gently ordered him cupping his cheeks in his hands and wiped away his tears. “I love you, I really do –” 

“That's what you said last time... before leaving me for him.” 

“But not in the same way anymore, not how you want me to. I fell in love with another man, with him.” 

Kai fell apart. He had thought it would be less painful since he knew their story was about to end, but it wasn't. The pain was too much to bear and the soothing words Uruha was telling him weren't calming the ache down. So he cried against his chest, let his tears fall and his voice show how much it was hurting him to lose the man he would never quit loving. It couldn't end like that, Kai was dreaming, it was just a horrible nightmare and he would soon wake up beside Uruha and all of this would have never happened. Uruha would still love him and he would never have an affair with Aoi. Kai was unable to fight to keep him, he was too weak. 

“I thought you would stop loving me and hate me instead if I were awful to you,” Uruha whispered against the top of his head kissing his hair from time to time and stroking his back in an attempt to soothe him. “I'm a coward and I've only hurt you more than anything else. I'm sorry... I truly am.” 

Letting him go hadn't been easy for Kai and Uruha understood it well. The young man was still deeply in love with the guitarist even after this. It wouldn't be easy for him but Uruha knew he wasn't going to be alone. And he would be there for him the day Kai'd be ready to talk to him, _them_ , as he was used to do before this story. For the moment, he was going to need time. 

When Kai had been ready to leave the building, Ruki had driven him to his flat and had insisted on staying with him. Inside, there were no signs of Uruha having lived in there once anymore, everything was gone. He'd taken all of his things as well as Kai's smile leaving him only with tears and a broken heart. 

It was over.

**Author's Note:**

> So, who thought they were going to have a happy ending? Thank you for reading this!


End file.
